First I would like to tell you I have been described as an art hater by many of my friends and if your goal is to prove to someone who truly doesn’t care about are that it is important then I am probably one of the people you really want to test it on. I truly look forward to see how you will convince me.
I read your second draft and was very impressed at how you made the piece flow. It is defiantly a smooth piece of writing. With that said I found you main topic idea (why does performance art matter in the world) clear and easy to understand. I especially enjoyed your description of your teacher with the “long and confusing name”. I found it very relatable and a very good way to allow the reader to connect to what you’re saying.
One thing I had trouble understanding was your broader themes. I found it really hard to make a distinction from your main theme and any other idea in your text. For example in the paragraph about “the cutting piece” you started to explain how it might help empower feminism but then quickly finish the paragraph without explaining how much good (if any) these performances can really do for specific groups. You also did the same thing in the paragraph directly after this one. You gave me a taste of a broader theme then took it away before I could really wrap my head around it.
I feel like your biggest hurdle is going to be getting everyday people who don’t understand the point in performance art to get a good idea of why people do it. As someone who doesn’t share your passion for it I can tell you some people just don’t see the point. That said I found myself listening to what you had to say and in reading this essay I feel like I have a much better understanding behind why they do all this.
Also just as a personal note. Anyone who likes the Beatles will probably hate Yoko Ono haha. I know I do.